Get Real

What Really Matters?

A bit of a ramble...

In the Newberry Award winning novel, Walk two Moons, an anonymous message is left on the doorstep of Phoebe, a prominent character in the story.  It read, "In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?' The author delved into this topic through her characters, examining those things, significant and insignificant, that make up the contents of our lives.

Reminds me of the philosophical message with the jar and golf balls.  I cannot remember the source for this information but basically, a philosophy professor filled a pickle jar with golf balls, posing the questions to his students, is it full?  While most agreed that yes, it indeed was full, he demonstrated that there was still room for much more.  He then filled in the space between the balls with pebbles, again posing the same question.  Continuing with the theme, the instructor then filled the remaining space with sand. The professor used the jar as an analogy for life, the golf balls being those things that really matter; our relationships, health, etc.  The pebbles were other important but not primary concerns; our work, interests etc.  The sand was all the remaining "stuff" that fills our days.  

His point?  If you fill the jar with "stuff" first, you will not have room in your life for the things that matter.  

No doubt about it, life is difficult. And it will be. But in the course of a lifetime, what really matters is our relationships with others.  How we treat others, love, accept, provide for and listen to people defines us as human beings.  We have the opportunity and capacity to give, create joy and laughter, offer comfort, security and the feeling of being loved and accepted.  

Loving ourselves is an ingredient as well.  But sometimes, we fall trap to isolating ourselves and miss the point.  I know I do.  Giving love may be an essential component for self-love to exist. I cannot think of anything more powerful or sometimes, more difficult. But I think it gets easier with practice.

Get Real...

Trying to connect this somehow to the blog!

Why get real?  Everyone hurts.  In giving ourselves to others, it is essential to be who we are.  People perceive vulnerability as weakness, something to hide from others. But perhaps if we were more willing to give these parts of ourselves, it would help others understand they are not alone.  People need people.  It is basic. We share so much yet, so little.

Sometimes it is difficult to see others.  And even more so, to show ourselves.  It is in isolation that things seem impossible. Together, can we make a difference?  I'd like to think so. 

Being present and mindful also involves being real.  We have so many dimensions and to show only a select few hinders our ability to experience life authentically.  What if we all took off the armor and let our guard down, at least a little bit? I do think the world would be a better, more connected and peaceful place.  Who is on board?

The Natural Path To Mindfulness

Why Nature?

“Nature and books belong to the eyes that see them” 
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn.” 

- John Muir

Sometimes, things are far more simple than we make them out to be. Being mindful, engaging in meditation practices, the ability to let go, focus on and fully experience the present moment seems challenging or impossible at times. Incessant chatter, thoughts and worry hold the mind hostage and prevent focus, clarity and peace of mind. 

A friend once referred to this behavior as "stinkin' thinkin'." Getting caught up in our thoughts removes us from experience and obstructs the ability to see the world as it is.  

Mindfulness requires the ability to diffuse thoughts and concerns about the past and future in order to see things as they are in the present moment.  Like many, I sometimes get tangled up in my thoughts and struggle to let go. One exception is evident. In nature, mindfulness, seeing things as they are and engaging with the present moment is near effortless. When external stimulus is removed and I find opportunity to spend time outdoors, peace of mind flows in and clutter and distraction are flushed out.  It is my experience that focus and clarity are most easily found in nature.

Many meditative practices aim to engage and focus attention on the senses. In the natural environment, I easily become attuned to sights, sounds and smells.  Recently, I visited Pinetop, Arizona. As I left the desert and the elevation increased, the temperature dropped to a clean, comfortable level. Down went the windows and my car quickly flooded with the pure sweet scent of crisp mountain air, infused by numerous surrounding pine trees and other mountain foliage. It occurred to me, I was more engaged and connected with the present moment while navigating windy mountain roads, than in other settings in which I had nothing at all to do.  

It's the Little Things

   

"Nature is pleased with simplicity. 

And nature is no dummy” 

    - Isaac Newton

During my recent jaunt to the woods, I went on several notable hikes.  Though hiking is not a new interest, there was one notable difference on this trip. During past excursions, hiking was an activity to accomplish, with an ultimate goal of completing a specific trail. This time around, there was not any set agenda.  The activity - not so much the hike, trail or destination but rather to observe and take in the experience.  Timelines and agendas were forgotten in favor of slowing down, taking time to smell the flowers so to speak.  

 

Up close and personal caterpillar 

The result of slowing down was a heightened sense of awareness, creating ideal conditions for clarity and mindfulness. My senses tuned into the smallest of details. The experience was so rich and full - prior treks do not even come close.  I was able to hear and see even the smallest of critter. Observing scenery with the eye of an artist, I took notice of texture, lines and color.  Never before had I exercised so much patience or focus outdoors.  I appreciated, even enjoyed the slowness of it all.  At the end of each day, I was not exhausted from the intensity of the hike but rather, felt renewed and calmed by the stillness of my mind.  

                                                Peace of mind is priceless. 

- Jennifer Fox

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” 

- Albert Einstein 







Surprisingly, there is not a ton of research on nature and the mind.  Some further reading that I found linked below:

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/research_digest/does_nature_make_you_more_mindful

http://dalailamacenter.org/heart-mind-2013-helping-children-thrive/short-films-inspired-heart-mind-2013/mindfulness-nature

http://ogradywellbeing.com/benefits-practicing-mindfulness-nature/

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886911001711

http://www.ivypress.co.uk/books/mindfulness-and-the-natural-world/

There are quite a few retreat type opportunities that integrate mindfulness, meditation and nature. The first link provides several options:

http://www.umassmed.edu/cfm/Training/Detailed-Training-Information/Meditation-Retreats/

http://www.awakeinthewild.com/schedule/nature-retreats/

http://themindfulnessinstitute.com/nature-retreats/

Mindfulness, Conduit of Truth

Every hour of every day I'm learning more

The more I learn, the less I know about before

The less I know, the more I want to look around

Digging deep for clues on higher ground

— UB40, Higher Ground

Mindfulness and the Road to Truth

Nearly nine months into this journey towards mindfulness and greater connectivity, progress is slow. The scope of my studies continues to widen.  I explore and seek knowledge primarily from Buddhist teachings, combined with principles of philosophy and psychology. As my brain struggles to make synaptic connections between my learning and experiences, I realize it is time to redefine and clarify my purpose.

Deep breath, time to get real. My experience is not unique. Too many of my days were spent on wishful thinking, obsession, denial and fear. The result — an increasing amount of pain and suffering. Life is difficult, that is the nature of it.  While progress does seem slow, awareness (first of self) is the conduit for finding purpose and meaning, a predecessor to growth. I am on the right path. 

My purpose redefined — to put an end to suffering and find greater contentment. Mindfulness is not the ends but rather a means or condition for revealing truth and wisdom.  Truth and wisdom optimize the conditions for contentment. To begin, I acknowledge my need to slow down and be patient with the process. Knowledge takes time.  

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”  ― Lao Tzu

-- Jennifer Fox

Making "Headspace" via Mindful Meditation

The path towards mindfulness is a journey, without clear beginning or end. Each individual is unique and may find themselves at various points along the path, at times regressing or accelerating in growth and progress. Through commitment and focused action, self-awareness and mindful practice evolves. 

Demystifying Meditation 

The practice of meditation is widely recognized by both scientific and spiritual communities to be of significant value. Additionally, it clearly aligns with my goals of greater connectivity and active engagement. Yet, meditation has always seemed far reaching and out there – a practice reserved for the spiritually enlightened. 

Truth be told, I never believed that I was capable of meditating.  My mind works fast. The flow of thoughts and ideas are constant.  With my coworkers and students, it is often necessary to slow things down, even backtrack at times to break things down into more digestible bites.  I am a fast thinker and talker and need to be cognizant of my pacing in order to relay ideas in an understandable way.

I remember a certain professor in college who guided our class through meditations.  My mind refused to sit still.  One time I attended a seminar and workshop on hypnosis.  My mind wandered.  I downloaded and listened to countless meditation tracks on my iPod, yet my mind still never seems to stop.  Perhaps I am just not wired for meditating? 

Yesterday, I was watching a series of Ted videos and came across a speaker by the name of Andy Puddicombe. His purpose, to educate listeners on the benefits of meditation and encourage people to take just ten minutes per day to practice mindful meditation.  Check out the 10 Mindful Minutes Video 

About halfway into the lecture, Puddicombe made a statement that redefined meditation for me, instantly making it both relevant and accessible:  

"Most people think that meditation is about stopping thoughts, getting rid of emotions, somehow controlling the mind, but actually it is quite different from that.  It's more about stepping back, seeing the thought clearly, witnessing it coming and going, emotions coming and going without judgment but with a relaxed, focused mind."

I am allowed to think, meditation is within reach! It struck me that on many levels, I already do this! While not as intentional as Puddicombe describes, I unknowingly refined my meditative practices through acts of diffusing negative thoughts, learning to recognize and observe my judging self-narrative in contrast to an observing self-narrative, replacing evaluative language with more objective, descriptive language. Powerful and important connections.

So now what?  Although I am progressing down this path and learn more each day, an intentioned practice of mindful meditation may help slow down the constant flow of ideas. I recognize the stress it can produce, particularly when I am ready to slow things down. I find it difficult to relax and just be.  There is a whole can of worms in the last sentence, post pending! 

In the meanwhile, I am going to give Puddicombe's method a shot. There is even an app to help people get started – a systematic method and step-by-step plan with supports in place to help people like myself practice and develop mindful meditation skills. One caveat, after a ten day free trial, there is a cost to subscribe.  Headspace App

I am not sure that I want the computer to be part of my meditation routine. However, this may aid to increase my own confidence in the ability to practice meditation and at the same time, help to develop good habits.  It might also help to center and refocus at times when it is difficult to motivate or the environment is less than ideal.  I'll give the trial a gander and report back.  

– Jennifer Fox

Schubert's Ave Maria Moves Me to Tears

My journey towards mindfulness may be characterized as a philosophical pursuit for greater meaning and purpose.  It is fueled by the desire to replace distractedness and clutter with greater knowledge, compassion and connectedness to people and the natural world.

Ironically, I type these words while staring at a dimly lit screen. While contemplating in front of the computer or "blogging" about what I hope to obtain by making real world connections seems counterintuitive, there are certain truths and clarity that can be found on the internet.

Ave Maria.  Remove big Hollywood movie scenes.  No dramatic stage production needed.  It stands alone.  One click of the mouse takes me 100% out of my mind and puts me inside the sheer and unvanquished beauty of the song.

So easy to get lost in this music.  Clear, pure and exquisite, no thinking required.  Ave Maria moves me to tears.

Opening Day

"Opening day. All you have to do is say the words and you feel the shutters thrown wide, the room air out, the light pour in. In baseball, no other day is so pure with possibility. No scores yet, no losses, no blame or disappointment."   -Mary Schmich

A friend shared the above sentiment in reference to tonight's season opener. While the game of baseball can, on its own merits, embrace underlying themes of hope, possibility and new beginnings, the words resonated with me on a more personal level. As I continually examine and redefine my perspective on life, the idea of a day, "so pure with possibility," brightened with hope and untarnished by history - is refreshing and appealing.

My immediate reaction to Schmich's words may have been a home run… 

          Wide eyed and hopeful. In baseball. In life.

Yesterday is gone. Yes, it is quite human and healthy to reflect on the events of the past. Newton's Law tells us that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Understanding that each decision is paired with a consequence, be it good or bad, is helpful information.  Honest reflection can provide a framework for real growth.  

"No scores yet, no losses, no blame or disappointment."

Conversely, reflection that turns to obsession or self-deprecation may propel us in the opposite direction.  I have bought into these unhealthy thought patterns on too many occasions.  And when this happens, life stops.  The reality - reflection takes very little time. Often, observations along the way are enough to reveal truth.  Learning to trust oneself and act accordingly is key to productively reflecting on the past. 

So, I googled Mary Schmich's "Opening Day," eager to hear more of her philosophical take on America's favorite pastime.  The article begins,

          If only every day were opening day.

          The blank slate. The fresh buzz. Hope as sweet as a baby's burp. 

Is it possible that every day is opening day?  While the slate may never be blank, in the context of our own process of growth, it can evolve and improve with us. Brightened with hope and untarnished by history, facing each day with our eyes and arms wide open. 

"On opening day, the past is not proof of the future."

-Jennifer Fox

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-04-06/news/ct-met-schmich-0406-20120406_1_opening-day-peanuts-blank-slate

Perspective

Embracing Life... 

As I pulled out of my driveway this morning to head off to work, I noticed a man across the street walking his three dogs. The one pictured below piqued my curiosity and despite my typical mad-dash rush to get to work, something compelled me to stop and say hello to this unfamiliar neighbor and his pup.

Never having seen a dog in a contraption such as this, I inquired about the dog's condition, wondering whether this was temporary or permanent. The man explained that the dog had suffered paralysis as a result of three slipped discs. Despite the veterinarians prognosis of a 30% likelihood of surgical success, the committed owner went ahead with it anyway.  It was not a success.

Clearly the man was disappointed and desired for his pooch to walk and have full use of its hind legs. The dog however, seemed oblivious to his "disability," and was brimming with spirit. Sociable, excited and welcoming, the dog displayed pure exuberance and love towards his unexpected visitor (me).  

I explained to the man that I wished to share a photo with my students, the story of meeting a new friend and perhaps instill lessons on attitude and acceptance. While I hoped to get a clear picture, in time I became grateful the dog did not want to slow down for a photo shoot.  He had things to do.

In this manner, dogs are much smarter than humans.  When faced with adversity, dogs maintain an unwavering spirit and continue to embrace all of life's offerings. Rather than waste precious time feeling sorry for themselves or giving up hope, they get on with the business of living, experiencing each abundant moment of their lives with enthusiasm. And why not?

-Jennifer Fox

Teaching in the Moment

Mindful Teaching… 

If variety is the spice of life, then teaching is the perfect career choice. I am fortunate that my job is never monotonous. Each day presents unique challenges and periods of inspiration while at the same time, provides me with daily lessons on humility.

It is easiest for me to be mindful at work, this is my element. My role of "teacher" is largely about observation, having a keen awareness of both the learning and engagement of the group as a whole and of individual students. I often find myself creating a silent narrative of the learning behaviors of my students, evaluating the clarity of my presentation, the usage of teaching strategies... noticing what is effective in the learning structure and perhaps more importantly, what it is not.

That said, some days are more fluid than others. 

Second period math is usually my most energetic bunch. This semester, the content is identical from the first class to the next. Today's topic, division with decimal divisors. First period had gone without a hitch. But then came round two.

Began the lesson as before, leading the discussion by connecting students' prior learning of fraction operations.

“How does the value of the divisor affect the quotient?”

The students stared blankly, so I posed another, more concrete question, “how many 2/5 are in 5?” 

More poker faces. 

I thought about the possibility that students had not retained the fraction concepts that were covered at nauseam the entire second quarter. These also happen to be advanced math students, it seemed highly unlikely that the entire group did not understand the concept. 

To reel them in and give greater context to my questions, I grabbed the candy jar and pulled out 20 pieces... if this candy is 1/10 of the total number of pieces in the jar and I want to divide it between the five groups, what fraction of the total candy will each group get? Still nothing! Eyes glazed over, one student flailed over his desk as if this candy problem was the most uninteresting thing he had ever encountered in school. 

I'm practically dancing around the room now, trying to get students to engage. I noted that two of the students were actively involved while the rest looked at me like I was speaking Martian. 

Based on my observations and knowledge of the kids, the students were either bored, fatigued, drugged or totally checked out. I decided to mix things up with a little brain break, perhaps a little movement might get the blood flowing back into their brains?
It was a hoot! We stretched, did jumping jacks and formed a chain while dancing about the classroom to popular upbeat songs, finally returning to totally different seats.
Surely the students will be more engaged after all that!?! I pulled out some nickels and a twenty dollar bill. Kids love money! I was certain students would check back in and actively participate in the decimal exploration. After giving the new math problem a situation and context, I gave the instructions, "discuss with your newly arranged table groups how many nickels are in twenty dollars? 

I began to walk the room, it was surprisingly quiet. Noticing the lack of conversation, I prompted... how many nickels are in one dollar? I encouraged the use of manipulatives, symbols, drawings, anything! Students answered my direct questions but went no further. 

Finally, I threw up my hands and asked my normally intelligent and insightful group of students, "who are you people and what did you do with my second period class!" 

Chuckles heard around the classroom, Jaxson, one of my brightest mathematicians finally chimed in to inform me that the class had just watched a movie during the entire language arts block. Everyone agreed that yes, it was the movie that caused my typically lively group to grow weak and weary. 

Fifteen minutes of math class left on this Friday morning before lunch. What to do?
After considering the options, I told the class to pack it up and sit atop the desks. For the rest of the math period, we energetically tossed a stuffed animal to one another, when students caught the (appropriately chosen) stuffed lamb, they had to perform whichever task I had assigned, name multiples of three-tenths, say a prime number, and even...
How many nickels are in $20? Yes, enthusiasm and intelligence had returned!
Success? It simply was what it was. Ultimately, I observed that my second period math students had not suffered brain damage and do indeed know math! 

Mindful teaching. It can be exhausting! 

-Jennifer Fox

But, what if I do not like the moment I am in?

Easy and Breezy, Peace in My Mind

When I think about being mindful, the phrase, "being in the moment," comes to mind. But here's the thing - not every moment is one that I necessarily want to "be" in. Some moments are not particularly pleasant, others even painful.

I am not a psychologist and know nothing more than my own perception and reality. Hokey as this is about to sound, here goes...

Perhaps it just is, that each moment does indeed happen for a reason. Some give pleasure and make us want to hold them forever. Others cause pain or fear. This is okay. The ability to feel, both pleasure and pain is what drives our passion, gives us purpose and allows for us to show compassion and empathy towards others. The opposing feelings we may hope to avoid creates the context for those feelings we crave to exist. Without pain, what is pleasure?

I think about embarking on a new career, falling in love, pursuing new interests. All require risk, vulnerability. The potential for pain becomes greater when our hearts are open. But keeping it shut is empty, numb.

I also think about addiction - be it sex, drinking or gambling, "pleasure," seeking behaviors. But eventually the body and mind build up a tolerance and it becomes more and more difficult to obtain the rush or feelings of joy these acts once provided. The thrill is gone, leaving one empty and without much feeling at all.

The point? To not engage in numbing behaviors, instead observe, experience and embrace each feeling with the understanding that the realm of emotions cycle in and out and those feelings we find painful, are both temporary and necessary prerequisites for greater meaning and mindfulness.

-Jennifer Fox



"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

Never mind yesterday...

My son Dylan, seemingly mindful.

Update One: January 13, 2014

Today -

Mindful of forgiveness,

Aware I forgot to take time out to breathe,

Understanding of road blocks that stood in my way,

Noticing thoughts that roll in and ebb out, both real and imagined,

And knowing that right now and within each and every moment, new opportunities present.

And in this moment I am mindful and remembering, this time - to breathe.

- Jennifer Fox

“None but ourselves can free our minds.”

― Bob Marley